Modern Immaturity
modern immaturity
CW COMPARISONS
Let's all get naked and have a good time!
JOHN BURNS
IT LEAVES A METALLIC TASTE IN YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU PICK UP a voice mail from the Cycle World regulars inviting you along on a “naked bike ride.” But only for a second, until you figure out it's a “naked-bike” ride. See how important punctuation can be?
Bikes with no, or not much, plastic. Cool, this class includes ‘ long-time favorites like the Triumph Speed Triple and Ducati Monster, but as the Editor-in-Chief points out, suddenly all the major manufacturers have a naked bike in the lineup worth a second look, four new ones this season alone: Kawasaki Z1000 for one, Aprilia Tuono for another, Suzuki SV1000S for three and BMW R1150R Rockster for four. ; y
Much as we’ve grown to love our crotch rockets over the years, something about the naked machine really does resonate. Some oí these look like the motorcycles guys were riding when I was but a saucer-eyed youth on the Big Wheel, wearing the Little Lord Fauntleroy velvet suit mom favored back in my early teens. So why not enjoy a relaxing ride with the mature CW gang, a leisurély. tour down Memory Lane on historic relics more into all-round usefulness and zany antics than outright velocity?
Once again, the joke was on me. This is the first street ride I’ve ' ever been on where my tires “went off.” Usually, I don’t even ride hard enough on the track for that to happen!
Personally, as a bom non-combatant with a lifetime batting average of like .040, who was once beaten by a female soldier armwrestling in the NCO Club (she gave me a ride home on back of her GS550L later), I learned long ago not to invest much selfworth in athletic ability-especially speed on motorcycles.
And so if Little Mark Cemicky or Don Canet et al want to take off at warp speed and leave me behind, that’s cool, the pecking order’s already established. Complications only ensue when guys who do think motorcycle prowess is a measure of manhood want to get by, and I won’t name any names but you know who you are, Paul Dean. You’re old enough to know better-and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna let you get away! Not because it matters to me, understand, but only because I know how much it matters to you...
Naturally, we professional motojoumalists never ride as hard as we can on curvy backroads, no matter how deserted and grippy the pavement. We’re experienced and adult enough to always keep a little in reserve, a safety margin-so even when Mr. La-dee-da Editor-in-Chief starts thinkin’ his exalted rank makes it a reasonable supposition that he should be able to pull away on that bland FZ1 when I’m on the Doo-catty on the way up the mountain to Julian, well he’s got another think cornin’.
Let me just show you, Notorious Heavy D the E-I-C, how superior I and this Italian stallion are to you aboard that overloaded pleasurecraft...wait...okay fine, I shall close that larger gap up on this short straight then, and show you in the next comer-just as soon as I get done being all sideways back here. Dammit! That FZ1 motors along...
Interesting how hard these bikes can ne ridden, l mink wna happens is when you look at a GSX-R1000, there’s a visceral understanding that disrespecting it could put you in the hospital, an idea that’s reinforced by riding it with your nose inches from the pavement. Conversely, these naked bikes look so innocent, they’ve nothing to hide-and sitting upright with a handlebar in your paws reminds you of days spent fro1icking on your TT-R125 playbike, or the aforementione Big Wheel. These naked bikes are so Labradorly, it’s easy to forget most of them are packing wen over 100 horsepower, and all of them have remarkably competent suspension, brakes and thoroughly modern, grippy-ass tires. The upshot is that my nice Frye boots need new soles, but only along the outer edges.
Right, I was supposed to tell you about the bikes. In very particular order, then...
APRILIA TUONO
$11,999
Ups
Er, it’s the coolest produc-
tion bike In the world?
It actually looks better than the Tuono R
Surprisingly comfortable
Downs
Questionable styling according to Jaguar owners Screw them!
Not as cool as the new “Racing” (see sidebar)
BMW R1150R ROCKSTER
$10,790
Alps A True sleeper velocity A Almost foolproof chassis A Every bike should have heated handgrips A And optional hard bags Downs ▼ Wo ist die kompressor? f No power brakes to insult on this one (an Up, actually) ▼ Flat handlebar too flat
NINTH Moto Guzzi V11 Naked Sport
Usually in a nine-bike comparo (not that I can recall one), the bike on the bottom of the pile gets heaped with scorn and derision-but nobody had anything bad to say about the Guzzi at all. Everybody liked it quite a bit as a matter of fact, but in this group there’s no getting past the fact that the Guzzi feels heavier because it is, steers slower because it’s longer/lazier, and is down on power to the other players. It didn’t help matters when the right fork seal blew, relieving the Marzocchi of all its rebound-damping circuitry and the twin Brembos of half their retardive powers.
When Guzzi came out with fuel-injection-in what, ’97?and rid the bike of its bomb-bay door throttle-return springs, the celebration was similar to the Allies liberating Rome. The six-speed gearbox a couple years later may well have been the blow that toppled Mussolini from power. Now, the M-G is a surprisingly refined package and, in truth, a change of venue might shuffle the results: though it’s not the ideal backroad flyer, around town the Guzzi’s fast, sporty, exotic, not uncomfortable and just plain cool-and if you require long, old-fashioned pushrods, it s the only game in town.
EIGHTH BMW R1150R Rockster
This one’s another great bike that charts its own course, let down a bit by a non-current power-to-weight ratio, and it’s a bike that reminds us how relative all this stuff is to the ability of the rider: If you’re a mid-level guy (or gal!), without a racing pedigree (unlike the CW staff and hangers-on), the Beemer’s Telelever/Paralever and bottom-up power delivery will make you a smoother, better rider and you might find yourself inexplicably attached to packs you couldn’t hang with before (inexplicable because the BMW’s droning flatTwin gives no indication of speed). If you’re Paul Dean, on the other hand (who likes the BMW), when you really start trying to relive your youth, the BMW gets to a certain level of aggression and cries, “Hey, that’s enough!” Personally, I never pushed it that hard, but I do think the BMW will hang with just about anything downhill, and it puts up a good scrap uphill.
The Rockster is more than a tasty cosmetic treatment. It gets R1100S suspension with “light” front Telelever mit c-f fender, the rear end is raised compared to the RI 150R Roadster for better front-end stick, and it packs the S-model wide rear wheel. It’s also the first oilhead with the new twinplug cylinder heads-which do seem to improve throttle response a bit. It gets a lower, flatter handlebar than the plain RI 150R I spent a lot of time on change I would say is not really for the better on the Rockster; the new bend is slightly better for blasting, not nearly as comfortable the other 90 percent of the time-although the big guys along for the ride didn’t complain much, so maybe it’s just li’l ol’ me.
DUCATI MONSTER 1000S
$11,095
Ups A Admired by moto-geeks the world over A Atme air-cooled Twin that gets with the program A You, sir, are a man of taste Downs ▼ Wankers like Hoyer always droolin’ all over your bike ▼ Need to bring along an FZ1 for suspension adjustments ▼ You’ll become anal-retentive and snotty just like all the
HONDA 919
$7999
Alps
A The front wheel If you’re named Cernicky A Stealth factor nine A Even a sissy can ride it
Downs
▼ Hooligan that lives with Mom
▼ When will the primer be cured?
▼ Harvest Gold or Avocado might be more appropriate
SEVENTH Suzuki SV1000S
This is a technical knockout: We wanted to test the chromehandlebarred, truly naked SV1000, but those bikes had not yet entered Suzuki test-fleet purgatory, so we got the SV1000S. It gets high marks from everyone for what it is, but what it is, is a different thing than the others here-ergonomically not far removed from the original TL1000S. Hiked-up footpegs, clip-on bars and a longer stretch to them across an expansive gas tank had some riders resting on the oT left elbow before many miles had passed under the wheels, and that kind of stress is exactly what we had set out to get away from on these machines. Meanwhile, even the hardest chargers among us had nothing but praise for the Suzuki’s drivetrain and suspension; it feels as fast as anything here particularly down low, it beat the others in the parking-lot gymkhana-and you don’t notice your wrists when this one’s feeding in its native habitat.
SIXTH-ISH Triumph Speed Triple
Wot? The loveable Triumph finishes sixth?! Explanation needed. In fact, between sixth place and about third, there’s big gray area where none of the Cycle World staff were able to Numerically Commit. Universally loved for its silky-siren three-cylinder whistly/whirry/kettle’s-on-dear/growly engine noises, and still the cause of strife regarding its “styling” after all these years, the Triple launched this whole strippeddown thing in the modem era, if I recall correctly. In fact, it may have been this very Triple. Unlike the bigger manufacturers, Triumph’s test fleet must sometimes soldier on; this black 2001 example is showing 6200 miles, and motorcyclemagazine miles, we all know, are like dog years. In spite of its clacking steering-head bearings, the bike still got top marks for handling, suspension sophistication, comfortable ergos, its broad powerband and great cornering clearance. Alas, the mullet that looked cool when you were 20 doesn’t look the same anymore, and the Speed Triple seems suddenly sedate next to a couple of other younger (ouch), less-rounded bikes here. Time for a restyle, Hinckley, but keep the bug-eye beams.
FIFTH-LIKE Honda 919
Hoopla? There is none surrounding the Honda in the gray flannel suit. As I flip through the nine-man test log (I don’t just make this stuff up), I come across the words “bland,” “dull,” “subtle,” “vanilla”...and I wish Paul Dean wouldn’t be allowed to write, “Doesn’t blow my skirt up,” because then I have to come up with that visual and lie down awhile.
Okay, I’m back. After the declaration of boredom on each set of notes is a big “But.” As in, but it’s so easy to ride, so neutral, so immediately friendly, so comfortable, so nonthreatening, so balanced, so very refined, etc. It’s true. The 919’s 9500-rpm redlined Four’s not exactly a firebreather, but it may have the flattest, most linear powerband in all of
KAWASAKI Z1000
$8499
Ups
A I got ya UJM right heah...
A Inexpensive, but doesn’t feel too cheap
A Sushi is still very hip, isn’t it?
Downs
▼ You’re the type who’ll abuse it
▼ Some like the gold picklefork exhausts...
▼ Time to trade-in the ZRX
MOTO GUZZI V11
$10,490
Ups
Ogri’s choice instant heirloom Superb garage appeal
Downs
Urn, is that a cast-iron block?
Lowish clip-ons Nut checks (the bike’s!) required after long rides
motorcycling-which also makes the bike super-controllable, just like the rest of the package. It can feel a little choppy and buzzy around town, but the harder you flog it out of town, the better the 919 seems to like it, right up to the point where the pegs are dragging so hard in every comer your feet are getting warm and you can hear yourself gmnting inside your helmet each time you shove it down into a comer-worked out to about a grunt every 5 seconds, seems like, in pursuit of Paul and the Speed Triple up the east grade of Mt. Palomar, not that I was really trying that hard. I’d have had the crazy bastard, too, if my tires hadn’t gone off...
NEIGHBORHOOD OF FOURTH Yamaha FZ1
If the theme were more “Useful Motorcycle” and less “Naked Bike,” then the FZ1 would win. The things that make it a little less attractive in this company are the very ones that make it such a good motorcycle for all seasons. That big seat is the passenger’s choice, there’s a centerstand, the seamless tank is a nice touch, and decent wind protection and a slightly cushier, more tunable ride make the FZ1 the choice of the hooligan bourgeoisie (and indeed, of Heavy D the E-I-C.). But in the company of bikes with attitude, the Yamaha seems a little on the practical, dare we say, conservative side? On the other hand, its R1-derived, 125 horsepower jetpack sees to it the FZ1 ’s power/weight ratio is right up there with anything else here, and an excellent control layout lets a rider who knows what he’s doing exploit that power fully. (See Heavy D reference several pages back. Bastard!) Light, small, edgy, pointy, highly responsive, controversial-looking and packing a 120-horse four-banger of the type that made Kawasaki a household word capable of making mothers faint in many households. An engine that insists you stretch its rods and violate its rev-limiter at every opportunity, a motor that, according to friendof-the mag/test rider Todd Eagan, “puts the Hoooo! back into Hooligan.” The brandnew ZX-9R-based Z1000 finished second on most scorecards. That’s very commendable for a new bike in this crowd, particularly in light of the low price of admission. Bang for the buck indeed.
THIRD/FOURTH, WHO'S COUNTING? Ducati Monster 1000S
If, as previously stated, the Speed Triple began this whole Naked Bike thing in the modem era, then II Mostro began it in the Age of Mammals a decade ago. Suddenly rejuvenated with Ducati’s new, 15-bhp-more-potent dual-plug air-cooled V-Twin, the short and stubby Monster is right back in the thick of things. The test log is littered with praise. DE says, “feels 100 pounds lighter than some other bikes here, best-balanced, most fun.” It makes Hoy er’s eyes bulge with pleasure and renders him speechless-that or his notes are lost in cyberspace. Dean, in a moment of lucidity, points out that even though the Monster is among the slowest in top speed and quarter-mile times, “there’s more to a good Naked Bike than numbers: light, agile, responsive, very flickable.” Along with its quick reactions and really responsive and rewable new motor, the Monster retains that stability Ducatis are known for, and Brembo brakes with braided hoses mean stopping is-a no problem either.
Complaints: limited cornering clearance under heavier riders (Hoyer note: increasing preload on the Monster requires an FZ1 toolkit), and one tester noted a tendency to sometimes hang up between gears. Other than that, this one more than any of the others really does transport you back to a different era-but in a most modem and comfortable way.
SECURELY SECOND Kawasaki Z1000
SUZUKI SV1000S
$8599
Ups A Powerful V-Twin va-voom A Great chassis A Clean styling Downs ▼ Fell in with the wrong crowd here ▼ Plastic origami dashboard ▼ Has to overcome the TL curse (it will)
TRIUMPH SPEED TRIPLE
$10,899
Ups A Luverly, unique noises A Paul says It responds best to “brute manhandling” A Available in Roulette Green, Aluminum Silver, too. Downs ▼ Not sure If you should call mechanic, plumber orOrkin? ▼ Subject to aesthetic assassination at every stop ▼ May cause misanthropy
The Zed 1000, speaking of taking one back to a bygone era, scored big by being everything the Honda 919 and Yamaha FZ1 are not-much as Kawasakis have always done. It’s a little crude. It chews with its mouth open and makes rude noises. It’s rough around the edges. There’s a little slack in the front brake lever before the calipers bite that can get the front wheel chirping-no worries, though, you’ve got this wide handlebar in your lap and mashing the rear is a good strategy, too. Power’s a little flat off the bottom, but winding up the digi-tach solves that. The ride’s a little stiff, which can be when you just need to get to work, but quite nice when you’re in hot pursuit down Mt. Palomar’s sick-python south grade. And anyway, that stiff-leggedness is mostly offset by a nice, thick seat and compact ergos behind a small fairing that feels bigger, aero-wise.
YAMAHA FZ-1
$8599
Ups That motor! A The Comfy Chair A Yellow and blacked-out not so bad, really... Downs ▼ Carburetors? How quaint... ▼ Scars our favorite pavement ▼ Faint aroma of rich Corinthian leather
Ah yes, grippy Bridgestones, unlimited cornering clearance, life is good aboard the Z-bike, and yet...what light breaks in yon rearview mirror? Yikes! It is the Tuono!
Listen Hoyer, didn’t I just pass you on that thing a while back? Please have the decency to stay behind me, I think we both know Erna much more skilled rider. Observe as I flick the Z1000 through this series of esses and brake deep, deeeep into this tight left (leaving, of course, a Margin of Safety). Where’s your little headlight now (heh heh heh)? Ack, right next to mine and on the inside.. .YOU BRILLO-HEADED BASTARD, THIS IS NOT THE PECKING ORDER!
FIRST PLACE AND NO ARGUMENTS Aprilia Tuono
Truly, the Tuono (Thunder, to you) wins this thing hands down. What other outcome could be possible? It ranks first on the cards of myself, Canet, Cemicky, Eagan, Brad Zerbel, the Red Skull.. .1 mean Mr. Dean.. .and Madman Matthew Miles. The purists/collectors/aesthetes of the group (Hoyer, Edwards) look down their noses at the Tuono’s styling, which hearkens back to no damn thing, but nobody argues with the way it works. And if you’re more the form-followsfunction type, the Tuono is beautiful. Don’t like the fairing? Look at the swingarm then, and clam up.
Hard to believe this is the “cheap” version; even with its downscale suspension (relative to the Öhlins-encrusted Tuono R), this bike oozes that taut-yet-bump-smothering, supple-yet-unflappable feel of something riding on expensive aftermarket items. Brakes are steel-braided Brembos-linear and powerful.
The 60-degree V-Twin is light and so dense-packed it seems to offer a real-world definition of mass-centralization, and it lays down a tractable, broad swath of power-from accessible low-rev grunt to lip-straining top-end hit-that no other bike here can match. The fuel tank is so excellently sculpted that the whole bike feels no wider between the knees than your little brother’s head. Grips attached to a tapered alloy handlebar, mounted atop a machined alloy topclamp, Fall Readily to Hand. Footpegs are a little high, in exchange for cornering clearance limited only by tire traction and common sense, which is increasingly uncommon.
Wheelies are, of course, totally uncalled for and completely immature-and even I can do pretty nice second-gear lofts on the Tuono. Aprilia is on the gas. $12K is cheap for this kind of action.
At our last stop, as we compared notes and stoked our expanding girths with chips and Coca-Colas, inside our faded Aerostich suits and cracked boots, beneath our graying hairs behind our thick glasses, we shared the parking lot with a gaggle of svelter/younger guys in racing leathers and on crotch rockets. Good thing we’re past that stage, eh? You bet. Last one down the mountain’s a rotten egg. (We love these naked bikes... ) □
