Should You Buy An Italian Bike?
Should you buy an Italian bike?
LEANINGS
Peter Egan
NOT TOO LONG AGO. I PUT TOGETHER a multiple-choice psychological test to help those without British bikes find out if they had the stuff that long-suffering Anglophiles are made of. This test (“Common threads." Leanings, CW, February, 1989) was a huge success in weeding out those without the proper qualifications— while encouraging those whose crippling personality disorders made them prime candidates for the ownership of English iron like mine—so Eve decided to do another one.
This time the turf is Italian. I’ve just returned from a week-long trip to Italy, during which I not only visited the Cagiva factory in Varese and the Ducati works in Bologna, but also drank a reasonable amount of chianti. That, along with Italy being my second-favorite country in Europe (right after England, whose main advantage is that the people speak a dialect of my own language) probably makes me some kind of an expert, even if my grandparents were Irish.
Anyway, this should help you decide whether or not an Italian motorcycle is for you. Take your time, choose your answers carefully, and for God’s sake don't cheat, or you'll end up with a Kreidler moped. Here's the test:
1. To kill a little time while waiting to go into a movie theater to see Fellini's Roma for the fifth time, you wander into a nearby bicycle shop. While browsing around, you find yourself inexplicably drawn toward: (a) a sturdy mountain bike with high fat knobby tires; (b) a pink folding bicycle with a white wicker basket over the front wheel and a bell on the handlebars (c) a 14-speed Colnago road-racing bike with beautifully polished Campagnolo components, an anvil-hard saddle, no fenders, no lights and high-pressure sew-ups the width of stiletto blades.
2. After the movie, you take your date out for coffee at a small café. The waiter asks what kind of coffee you want and you automatically order: (a) decaf flavored with almond extract (b) a pot of herbal tea instead of coffee (c) a tiny cup of something called espresso, which resembles two tablespoons of the hot coffee grounds your mom used to dump out of her G E percolator and is made by a huge hissing piece of industrial machinen/ that looks like the steam
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boiler on the Andrea Doria.
3. Your date orders herbal tea and then offers the opinion that Ingmar Bergman is a much better movie director than Federico Fellini. After packing your date into a taxi-cab and undertipping the driver in advance, you go out alone fora bite to eat. You gravitate toward a restaurant where the name of the headwaiter is: (a) Karl (b) Mohammed (c) Angelo.
4. The best color for a sports car with 1 2 cylinders or a GP bike with 4 cylinders is: (a) a kind of surfer turquoise with hot pink zig-zags and triangles (b) metalflake orange (c) blood red.
5. The most interesting name for a motorcycle is the: (a) Exciter (b) Rebel (c) Güera Saturno Sanremo.
6. The man who, above all others, did the most to advance the cause of Western thinking is (a) Copernicus (b) Isaac Newton (c) Ing. Fabio Taglioni.
7. Of these three famous buildings, the one with the best paint job on the ceiling is: (a) Grand Central Station (b) the Houston Astrodome (c) the Sistine Chapel.
8. Having just had a wonderful late-night plate of veal tortellini, served by your favorite headwaiter, Angelo, you head back to your apartment. Feeling a need to relax and gaze at the restored Güera Saturno Sanremo 500 GP bike parked next to the fireplace and the Campagnoloequipped Colnago 14-speed racing bike hanging on the wall, you open a bottle of (a) schnapps (b) ouzo (c) grappa.
9. Of the following, the most significant sports figure of the 20th Century is: (a) Babe Ruth (b) Jack Dempsey (c) Giacomo Agostini.
10. The best nickname for a 20th Century sports figure is: (a) “Babe" (b) “The Manassas Mauler" (c) “Ago".
9. While sitting around your apartment late at night, gazing at your bikes, sipping on grappa and looking at your framed photo of Giacomo Agostini cresting Brav Hill on his blood-red MV Agusta Four, you feel the need for some music, so you put on a little: (a) Dixieland; (b) experimental electronic music (c) Verdi.
10. Opera is best sung in: (a) Norwegian: (b) a strong Texas accent (c) Italian.
1 1. The performer with the most powerful voice is: (a) Janet Jackson (b) George Michaels (c) Luciano Pavarotti.
12. Of the following three great names in motorcycle racing, the one that rolls off the tongue most easily is:(a)Mert Lawwill(b) Bart Markel(c) Renzo Pasolini.
13. The one characteristic most important in an older used bike is: (a) a really good, logical set of electrical switches that never get hot or go up in smoke (b) flawless paint and fiberglass work without any crooked decals or dead flies or anything trapped in the gel coat (c) beautifully detailed engine that sounds great, never breaks and wins at Daytona.
14. The best use of wheat flour is in: (a) library paste (b) crepes (c) pasta, served with olive oil, red peppers and a light sprinkling of Parmesan, followed by a little grappa while listening to Pavorotti sing Verdi, with someone who appreciates Fellini, in a room with framed photos of Ago and Ing. Taglioni on the wall and a Güera Saturno over near the fireplace.
That about does it. The correct answers will be made available domani, or possibly the next day.
Arrivederci. Eâ
