Consumer's Reunion
Consumer's Reunion
APRIL FOOLS
Shower Caps: Unnecessary Overhead?
A Sensible Magazine For Sensible People Sensibly Priced at $39.95
MOTORCYCLES
Transportation Appliance Of The Future? Discover The Truth As C.R. Tests Three Versions Of A Japanese import
BRAND-NAME COMPARISONS Toothpicks Kitty Litter Blenders NuclearSubmarines Cotton Batting Dentures
MOTORCYCLES_
C.R. Discovers Two, Maybe Three Motorcycles You Should Own
Max Burns
Past reader response has shown that, undeniably, the most popular subject of our investigative research has been transportation. When we test rode The Nation’s Fifteen (15) Major City Bus Lines (May/82), our mailbox was swamped with enthusiastic replies. Our annual pick of the “Ten Best Car-Pool Contenders” (Aug) issue has always been a best seller. Even the reports on Floor Mats (Jan/ 82), Plastic Covers For Bench Seats (Dec/81), and Bumper Stickers With A Message (Mar/82) proved to be a hit.
Still, it was with some trepidation that we approached the object of this month’s mobile appliance appraisal. But we had to find answers. Answers to questions like:
—Are motorcycles, or cycles for short, the transportation appliance of the future?
—Will they replace the car?
—Are they a reasonable alternative to the bus?
—Should you own one?
And answers we got. Once again, C.R. (Consumer’s Reunion) is first to publish the facts.
To find these facts, we rounded up our usual panel of inexperienced, ignorant testers and, together with three (3) different Japanese motorcycles (see photos), made our way to the official CR (Consumer’s Reunion) test track. It wasn’t easy pushing three (3) motorcycles, or bikes for short, from the office over to the north-east corner of MacDougall’s Pharmacy parking lot, but it had to be done. We were determined to put them to the test. Here is what we found.
Immediately upon arriving, Bill spotted an old button and Larry found a nickel. After things calmed down a bit, we turned our attention to the three (3) different Japanese motorcycles (see photos).
Engine & Transmission: All three (3) engines are air cooled, so maintenance should be about equal to the average lawnmower. The inconvenience of the ubiquitous recoil pull start has been replaced by an easy to operate push button, a practice we hope will catch on.
Unfortunately, the transmission does not share this admirable quest for simplicity. We counted six (6) separate gears. And that doesn’t even include reverse, which we never did find! But the most appalling aspect of the transmission was the absurd location of the gear selector. Not only was it almost impossible to reach while riding, it was far too small to properly get one’s hand around even when at a standstill. Also, by the very nature of its position, it consistently interfered with the movement of the Operator’s Left Foot (OLF). This leads us to several obvious questions.
How long will a good quality pair of penny loafers stand up to the constant abuse of crashing into a gear lever? Why should you, The Consumer (TC), be expected to absorb this unnecessary increase in household expenditures? Wouldn’t two (2) or three (3) gears, with the selector mounted on the handlebars like the top-rated Schwinn, make more sense? Or an automatic? Or oxfords, which, as proven in our last “Footwear Durability Marathon” (June/ 80-82), outlast penny loafers three (3) to (2) one (1)?
Handling & Braking: Right from the beginning, it became very apparent that handling would not be up to automotive standards. During abrupt avoidance maneuvers, all three (3) motorcycles fell over. Imagine what could have happened to the rider if one had been aboard at the time? We strongly advise the use of extreme caution when instigating any directional changes.
The foot-operated parking brake would not remain engaged on any of the motorcycles, or scooters for short, unless the operator kept continued pressure upon the pedal. This greatly reduces the effectiveness of a potentially useful feature.
Safety & Convenience: All three (3) models (see photos) came equipped with a chain guard. This admirable attention to safety is to be applauded. In fact, that is just what we did upon first discovering the guard.
Sadly, this concern about safety does not extend to the exhaust system. The pipes ran fully exposed from the engine to the rear tire. This presents a real hazard. To avoid coming in contact with a hot exhaust system, the smart rider will get on before the engine is started and wait for everything to cool before getting off.
Interior noise level was unacceptably high. The wind noise level was unusually annoying. Little has been done to isolate occupants from ambient traffic and city noises.
As for the controls, so mysterious were their workings that our engineering staff were not able to sort them out by press time. We will, however, comment on them in great detail when we eventually solve the mystery, so do not miss a single upcoming issue of C.R. (Consumer’s Reunion). It might be a good idea, in order to realize full benefit from these findings, to take a break here and send us an extension to your subscription.
And while we are on the subject of controls, mention should also be made of the signals.
Other Considerations: Weather sealing on all three (3) models (see photos) was generally poor but ventilation proved excellent. Temperature of the heater was difficult to regulate. Installation of the ever popular plastic seat covers (Dec/81) might be difficult. And there is precious little space for protective rubber floor mats (Jan/82).
Test Results: Note: Due to the extreme danger involved in these tests, it was ruled that no one should remain seated on a motorcycle, or murdercycle for short, while the engine was running. Now on to the tests themselves.
Vertical Attitude Retention Test: Here, each motorcycle was held upright, then let go. The time between release and initial impact with the pavement was carefully recorded. The “Lowrider” (see photos) faired best here. Its wider tires provided this advantage in static stability. Why can’t Motorcycle Manufacturers (M&M’s) design around even wider tires, like sixty (60) series car tires? Surely the obvious safety benefits would offset any theoretical increase in costs.
Electrical Interference Test: Each engine was started while we monitored the interference it produced upon a nearby television set. None of the motorcycles (see photos) did well here. Both picture and sound became so bad that the last five (5) minutes of Wednesday’s “Days Of Our Lives” were classed as unwatchable.
Drying Speed: To test this important capability, we pushed each motorcycle (see photos) through an Automated Car Wash (ACW) and, using our Basic Laboratory Testing Instrument Kit (TIMEX), measured the elapsed time it took for each motorcycle (see photos) to dry. The accuracy of this test was somewhat hampered by the advent of rain. However, a Seat Of The Pants (SOTP) judgment placed the three (3) motorcycles (see photos) about equal. Recommendations: Will the motorcycle replace the car? Are they a reasonable alternative to the bus? Should you own one? Well, as a matter of fact, we just happen to have three (3) for sale. Offers are now being accepted. Is the motorcycle the transportation appliance of the future? From the results of our tests, we have come up
Sport Model
Low-Rider
Standard Model
with the following recommendations to the manufacturers which, if acted upon, could make it a strong contender for the title. 1/ Installation of air bags. 2/ Incorporate five (5) Miles/Per Hour (mph) bumpers large enough to hold at least two (2) Bumper Stickers With A Message (Mar/82). 3/ Offer oxfords as an optional accessory.
4/ We could not think of any fourth recommendation. 5/ Install seat belts, front and rear. 6/ Add enclosed bodywork, with a good sized trunk. And enough space for Rubber Floor Mats (Jan/82), too. We feel that these improvements, along with the addition of two (2) more wheels, would yield a worthy alternative to tomorrow’s automobile (no photos available). Maybe Even The Bus (METB).
