Glossary of Motorcycle Terms

GLOSSARY OF MOTORCYCLE TERMS

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There Are Signs Of An Emerging Consensus That Plausible Indications Suggest The Tentative, Preliminary Hypothesis That Due Consideration Be Given To The Potential Propaedeutic Value Of A...

J.G. Krol

INTRODUCTORY NOTE

It has come to my attention that, with the rapid growth of motorcycling in recent years, there are many beginning cyclists who struggle along in innocent unawareness of even the most rudimentary elements of their sport, e.g., that much of the rigid body motion of a motorcycle can be understood in terms of the simple model provided by the rolling of the polhode in the vehicle's ellipsoid of inertia on the herpolhode lying in the invariable plane without, of course, slipping.

In this dynamic, modern, ongoing, complex situation there seems to be increasing reason to believe that among students of the field, taking both long and short run considerations into account, there are signs of an emerging consensus that plausible indications suggest the tentative, preliminary hypothesis that due consideration be given to the potential propaedeutic value of a glossary of basic motorcycle terms, which is not to suggest either explicitly or implicitly, nor either categorically to deny, that my present leanings are somewhat favorable to this view at the present time, or that they may or may not be swayed strongly by future developments and research findings. I stand firmly and unequivocally upon that position.

A

abuse n. 1: Normal operation. 2: Form of operation desired by the buyer of a product. 3: Any operation or use of a product whatsoever, v.t. 1: To use a product in a normal or desirable manner. 2: To use a product in any way which reveals its weaknesses, deficiencies, limitations, failings or inadequacies.

accessory n. Generic term for any mechanical object intended for use in conjunction with another which does not fit, does not function in the manner represented, and is grossly overpriced, but which is available for sale (cf. part).

advertised horsepower n. 1: Any cardinal number significantly greater than the number of horsepower actually produced by an engine (cf. horsepower). 2: A number greater than those associated with the outputs of similar, competitive engines, though not necessarily related to horsepower in any way.

air cleaner n. 1: A filtering device designed to remove impurities from air before it is passed through an internal combustion engine, heavily charged with partially-burned products of combustion, noxious gases, and particulate matter,and is finally returned to the atmosphere for human inhalation. 2: A device, found on certain motorcycles, which serves no proven useful purpose, though the steel-wool packing of an a.c. of this type has been rumored effective in scouring cooking utensils.

air cooling n. A system for heating air by means of an engine.

alloy n. 1: Any metal or metal-like material, the composition of which is unknown to the speaker. 2: A metal or metal-like material, the composition of which is perfectly well-known to the speaker, but which he shrouds in graceful ambiguity for fear of shocking or repelling the listener.

Amal n. 1: Crippled Mid-Eastern youth who met the Three Magi as they traveled west shortly before the first Christmas; through his faith, he was cured of his affliction. 2: Hero of the opera Amal and the Night Visitors, by Gian Carlo Mennotti. 3: An air-valving device invented by Amal and introduced into England by the early Roman conquerors. Soon thereafter it was adapted to motorcycle carburetion and is still in use by a number of the more progressive manufacturers.

B

break-in n. 1: A period at the beginning of operation of a new motorcycle during which it is worn out or sustains massive internal self-demolition. 2: A period of time elapsing after the sale of a new motorcycle, and roughly corresponding to the length of the warranty, during which the machine will not remotely approach the claims made for its performance by the seller.

C

catalog n. A book or pamphlet, often illustrated, listing articles offered for sale. By advertising for sale the catalog itself at an absurd and exorbitant price, many businessmen are so successfully able to dissuade the potential buyer that they are very largely spared the inconvenience and distraction of filling orders, whereby they are afforded ample time to engage in their principal activity of condemning the depressed state of the market and the rapacity of their competitors.

chain breaker n. 1: An exceptionally powerful engine. 2: A rock, bush, tree, human limb or (rare) tool effective in breaking a motorcycle drive chain.

clutch n. Mechanism for varying the degree of slip between a driving, or input, shaft and a driven, or output, shaft. When the slip is 10 to 50 percent the c. is said to be engaged; when the slip is 50 to 90 percent the c. is said to be disengaged. In order to promote product safety, federal law prohibits the design, manufacture, sale, possession, interstate transfer, or wishful thinking of any clutch which fully engages or totally disengages. Such dangerous devices are proscribed by the Product Extremism Act of 1964.

competition n. A bitter struggle among persons unfortunate enough to find themselves in the motorcycle industry to get out of it as rapidly as possible. Proven methods include: poorly designed products, highest possible prices, deliberate restrictions on production volume and capacity, avoiding carrying anything in inventory, surly personnel, deceptive advertising and avoiding all methods employed by successful firms in other industries. Persons trapped in the motorcycle industry can take heart from the historical fact that over 99 percent of all firms which were once in their position have since managed to get out of the business.

D

dampener n. (colloq.) Device to damp an oscillation, as in the suspension of a motorcycle, hence, a damper. The redundant syllable is interpolated by motorcycle writers to dispel any suspicion of their technical competence.

durable adj. 1 general: Able to last despite frequent use or hard wear. 2 motorcycling: It is no longer considered grammatical to use this term in connection with motorcycles except in an oxymoronic or poetic sense, (cf. Erdman Tashleen, Devolutory Applications of Polysyllabic Indo-European Descriptors, Pavement Ends, Mont., Institute for Advanced Grammatical Research Press, 1968.)

E

Ecological disaster n. A warm, moist wind issued by foolish and fanatical demagogues attempting to externalize their personal psychological problems and to impose their prejudices and tastes on all other persons. The first such wind was conjured up to extinguish the fire Prometheus had viciously and selfishly impressed into the service of mankind, and similar drafts have been directed against every perceived technological advance subsequently contrived, with no exceptions whatsoever. Since current motorcycles employ the most advanced forms of 19th Century technology, they are often involved in an e.d.

engine n. A motor, esp. an internal combustion motor for propelling a vehicle.

F

fast adj. A rate of motion in the infinitesimally narrow band between deadening dullness and dull deadness.

fork n. 1: A device used at the table in the eating of food. 2: Part of a motorcycle used, when riding rapidly in rough terrain, in the ritual called “eating the front wheel.” Although it is considered extremely bad form to employ two forks while dining, they are normally mounted in pairs on motorcycles. Riders of Japanese machines are permitted the (dial.) use of the plural form, as in the greeting, “Herró, Forks.”

four-stroke adj. A type of engine possessing maximum complexity, weight, parts-count, sub-systems to get out of adjustment, and propensity to mechanical clatter and noise, v.i. The normal operating condition of a two-stroke engine (cf. rich mixture, two-stroke, too).

G

gear selector n. Trade Name—Transmission appurtenance built under license from Consolidated Psionics Corporation and used almost universally by the motorcycle industry. The specially sensitized metal in a g.s. is capable of over-riding the gross physical motion of the motorcyclist’s foot, and responding in its own way to his innermost psychic desires. Thus, if he truly desires a gear, any gear, the g.s. will provide neutral; whereas if he desires neutral, the g.s. will provide a gear, any gear. Special racing g.s.s are capable of providing two different gears at the same time.

H

handlebar n. A tubular structural member connecting the handles of a motorcycle to the triple-tree. As with a scissor, pant, and spectacle, a handlebar is rarely seen but in company with another.

horsepower n. A unit for power, i.e., for the rate at which work is done; has dimensions of distance times force divided by time.' Owners of British motorcycles will find it convenient to commit to memory this simple method for computing h.: Take the number of dozens of stones of force by the number of score of furlongs over which the force is exerted, divide by 2/7 the > number of fortnights in which this work is done, multiply the quantity thus obtained by the age in years of King Ethelbart the Black at his coronation, point off two places to the left and the result is the number of h.

I

improvement n. 1: Any random change to the design of a motorcycle. 2: An official public representation by a motorcycle manufacturer that the products he has been selling all along have contained grave defects or serious design

shortcomings, or have been grossly inadequate for the purpose for which they have been marketed.

innovation n. A design feature copied directly from any motorcycle which is at least 50 years old and which was a commercial and/or technical failure at the time it was made.

iron n. A constructional substance of generally favorable properties; it is the chief ingredient of steel, which more modern material, being as yet unproved in the few brief centuries since its invention, is not favorably regarded by domestic manufacturers. Although the details are only slowly becoming declassified, there is evidence that the United States Navy, in an ill-advised project to return to the days of wooden ships and iron men, commissioned one domestic manufacturer to fabricate robotic iron sailors. In a characteristic fit of enthusiasm for this noble material, the factory utilized it in such copious quantities that the metallic seaman, upon boarding the wooden longboat prepared for him, overloaded and sank the vessel, causing the entire project (known by the code name “Deep Hawg”) to be hastily abandoned in the face of Congressional ire.

irreplaceable natural resource n. 1: Dirt. 2: Rocks. 3: Weeds, esp. poison oak. 4: Varmints. 5: Dinosaurs. 6: Anything subject to massive natural depredation or deracination, but protected by powerful tribal taboos from the mere touch of man.

K

kick starter n. A lever attached to an enginecycle motor and ritualistically operated several times in pedal fashion by the rider before he pushes the vehicle to get it started. K.s.s are usually located so that their attempted vigorous use results in sharp and discouraging contact between various iron (cf. iron) parts of the machine and the operator’s instep, ankle or shin; so that the k.s. itself interferes with the exhaust system, footpegs (rider’s or passenger’s or, ideally, both); and so that the k.s. gouges the rider’s leg, esp. the inside of his ankle. On a properly designed k.s., the rubber pedal cover will fall off or spin, the pedal portion will vibrate off (cf. vibration), the arm will bend or break, and the mounting splines and internal gearing and ratcheting will strip. A recent report in the Los Angeles Thunderer, a true friend and great champion of motorcyclists everywhere, reveals the existence of a little-known international contest among motorcycle designers for the coveted Ouchy, an award modeled after a broken foot, given from time to time to the k.s. design which best achieves all these bright goals.

kidney belt n. A belt, or sharp blow, delivered to the kidneys or other internal organs of the body by a motorcycle ridden over rough terrain, or directly by the terrain itself.

M

Manx n. 1: A variety of cat, most specimens of which possess no tail; the breed is believed to have originated ca. the Fourth Crusade. 2: A variety of racing motorcycle believed to have originated about the same time. It is not known if M. motorcycles have tails; but if they do, they no longer show them to their more modern competitors.

motocross n. Form of motorcycling promoted by the motorcycle industry for the purpose of stimulating sales of replacement parts and machines.

motor n. An engine, esp. an internal combustion engine for propelling a vehicle.

O

oil n. Viscous, gummy, dirty fluid intended for application to a garage floor by means of the roundabout route of placing the o. in a motorcycle, then parking the motorcycle in the garage.

P

part n. Generic term for any mechanical object which is not available for sale, does not fit, or is inordinately priced (cf. accessory).

R

racing adj. 1: Possessing high prestige, as r. tires. 2: Having an extraordinarily high price as compared to an ordinary part (cf. part), n. An activity intended for no purpose but to pass the time...as quickly as possible.

rectifier n. A type of motorcycle accident in which the rider slides off the back of the machine at speed, then down the road in a sitting position.

rich mixture n. 1: A partially combustible mixture of fuel and air having relatively much of the former and correspondingly little of the latter. 2: A good, desirable, ideal, holy or sacred mixture. 3: The normal mixture for substantially all two-stroke engines. Master Tuner Drasco Banes recommends replacing the main jet on any new two-stroke with a jet 100 sizes larger as soon as possible after acquiring the machine; fine adjustments in the rich direction can then be made by carefully controlled track tests until the motorcycle will neither start nor run on the hottest spark plug available; dropping down one jet size then gives the ideal r.m.

rim lock n. 1: Device for increasing the difficulty of changing a motorcycle tire. 2: Device for unbalancing a motorcycle wheel. 3: Device for pinching a motorcycle inner tube, thereby providing the owner with an excuse for changing same. 4: Device combining all these desirable features.

s

saddlebag n. Unattractive female motorcycle passenger.

salesman n. 1: Any person who altruistically sacrifices his own interests to serve those of another. 2: Any person providing a buyer, or customer, with accurate, dependable, incisive, impartial, and objective advice and consultation. 3: A motorcyclist’s best friend and most loyal confidant.

seal n. An ^object, substance, mechanism, etc., placed in the interstices of a motorcycle to promote the passage of oil.

seize v.i. To function in a normal or expected manner, as a two-stroke engine.

sidecar n. 1: A type of intoxicating beverage. 2: A contrivance attached to a motorcycle to create a vicious sesquicyclic freak that eliminates the virtues of a motorcycle while magnifying its vices. The usage is thought to have originated in the common belief that the s. was first conceived in the mind of an intoxicated designer. A rival etymology, popularized by Prof. Grenshaw Churf, holds that the term arises by inversion from the demonstrable fact that riding in a s. is the most sobering experience ever to be suffered by a person who values his life more than trivially.

sparking plug n. 1: A spark plug manufactured in Great Britain. 2: A spark plug offered for sale by the franchised representative of a British manufacturer. 3: A spark plug priced notably higher than domestically manufactured equivalents and believed by purchasers to confer special privileges of status or personal distinction.

spoke n. 1 science: A demonstration

device used to illustrate the crystallization and fatigue failure of metal. 2 business & finance: A device supplied to a customer at a nominal price in order to assure what is known as “replacement parts sales.” 3 sociology: A slender strut which, when contrived to form a wheel in conjunction with others of its kind, is believed by certain native tribes to enhance the owner’s prestige. 4 motorcycling: Part of a motorcycle wheel similar to the embossed lines on an automobile hubcap.

steel n. 1: In N. America and certain other regions, a tough, durable metal composed of iron, carbon, and various alloying elements designed to enhance mechanical properties. 2: (colloq.) A soft, weak, brittle material produced in many parts of the world and intended to function over a period of time as long as the warranty or as short as two blocks away from the dealer, whichever is less convenient.

stoplight n. A small lamp, usually red, located at the rear of a motorcycle and lighting up when the brake is applied. Suffering much vibration (cf. vibration), little filament support, and poorly regulated electric current, its useful life is remarkably short even by motorcycle standards; hence, its name.

stroke n. 1 golf: A unit of advantage given to the weaker player; a handicap. Thus, when comparing two-stroke with four-stroke engines, it is clear that the latter operate under a greater handicap than the former.

T

too adv. Comparative form used in conventional constructions with: just right. Ex.: T. many cubic inches is j.r. T. fast is j.r. T. strong is j.r. T. much power is j.r. T. big a main jet is j.r.

two-stroke adj. Type of engine characterized by extremely short life, raucous intake and exhaust noise and offensive exhaust emissions. Development of the modern t.s. engine was largely financed by an international cartel of spark plug manufacturers, v.i. Operation of a t.s. engine is characterized by relatively clean running, moderately long spark plug life, fast throttle response, and good all-around performance; obtained by adjusting the carburetor to avoid a rich mixture; hence, rarely seen in practice (cf. rich mixture).

U

unicycle n. From the Latin unus, one, a unicycle is one complete cycle. A u. being exactly one-half of a bicycle, or tandem-wheeled vehicle, this lends some credence to the claim of enthusiastic riders that motorcycles are two much.

V

vibration n. A mechanical oscillation or shaking especially designed into motorcycles to prevent them from lasting too long, from providing intolerably great amounts of rider comfort, and from operating for excessively long periods of time without maintenance. In magazine road tests, there are often seen several specialized derivative forms. “Slight (minimal, negligible, minor, etc.)” v.: causing physical discomfort to the rider and loosening of some fasteners on the motorcycle. “Moderate (average, normal, typical, etc.)” v.: causing acute physical pain to the rider and impairing his physiological capabilities, combined with moderate structural damage to the motorcycle. “Severe (high, extreme, annoying, etc.)” v.: causing irreparable physical damage to the rider and/or the motorcycle. Dott. Ing. Lucronefia Prestolini recommends a combination of v. frequencies and amplitudes which will ensure total physical collapse of the rider and machine as near simultaneously as possible. Traditional empirical design methods for maximizing vibration may soon be rendered obsolete, according to preliminary technical reports emanating from the progressive scientists at the Consolidated Research Organization of the Chaldean Kingdom, which is developing analytical and computerized design techniques. Although this shift of CROCK to advanced design methods has yielded exceptionally high levels of v. in laboratory tests, it is not yet certain full benefits can be achieved in mass produced machines.

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w

warranty n. 1: Legal instrument by which a seller attempts to minimize or nullify his liability for the suitability of his wares to normal purposes and use. Hence, 2: Any meaningless, jocular, or prevaricating document which cannot be taken seriously.

Whitworth adj. A type of thread not to be confused with the C.E.I. (Cycle Engineers Institute) 26-thread series, or with the B.S.F. thread (British Standard Fine, or colloq. British Strip Fine), and not to be interchanged with SI or SAE threads as used by the developed nations of the world. The selection of suitable wrenches for use with W. fasteners is sometimes confusing to the novice, but is greatly simplified if these few rules—which are completely true and correct—are committed to memory: W. nut sizes are not in even fractions of an inch, except in certain cases where they are; a W. wrench is not the size marked on it and will not fit a nut of that size, though it will fit a nut which fits a bolt that is almost, but not quite, that size; a W. wrench of a given size will fit the nut that fits a B.S.F. or C.E.I. bolt of l/16th inch larger nominal diameter, hence of approximately l/16th inch larger actual diameter, than the bolt that fits the W. nut the wrench fits; some W., SI and SAE wrenches fit some W., SI and SAE nuts, and others definitely do not.

W.O.T. n. 1: Wide open throttle. 2: The state or condition of holding the throttle wide open; hence, an activity engaged in at all times by riders of small machines, and principally at bench racing sessions by riders of large machines, although the latter occasionally indulge during short trips to magistrate’s court or the public hospital. Also, W.F.O., as in “Wahd...etc., etc.”