Great Mysteries of Motorcycling

Great Mysteries of Motorcycling

LEANINGS

As A MOTORCYCLE MAGAZINE GUY, I am occasionally singled out as a lightfling rod for complaints—generally couched in the form of questions-about the state of the bike industry, motorcycle design, new technology and so on.

Usually, of course, I have no good answers to these questions because I'm wondering about them myself.

Just the other day, for instance, my old buddy Jim called and said, "How come all the bike magazines keep saying the Ducati 998 has a `dated' trellis frame and `dated' styling when it's the bestlooking sportbike on Earth, easily the best-looking bike in the whole Ducati lineup and it keeps winning the World Superbike Championship every year?"

"Beats me' I said. "I like my 996 just fine, and wouldn't change a thing on the 998."

Then I walked into a local bicycle shop owned by my friend Phil, who is an avid sportbike rider, and he asked, "Why have so many manufacturers quit provid ing centerstands on new streetbikes? Don't those engineers ever have to lube a chain or remove a wheel?"

"Beats me," I said. "I like centerstands, too. I can't imagine why you would leave one off anything but a pure racebike."

You see the problem. These people wonder about the same things as I do, but I don't have any answers for them. All I can do is shrug. I call these the Unanswered Questions of Motorcycling.

And there are many. Some have been asked of me by others, and some have sprung from my own incomprehension. Here's a brief sampling:

1. Why would anyone make an "adven ture-tourer" so tall and top-heavy that a grown man can't pick it up when it falls down? Which it will, in the worst possi ble circumstances, because it's so tall and top-heavy.

2. When Harley-Davidson deleted the standard tach and luggage rack from the FLHS and slightly restyled it as the Road King, why did the price go up $1700?

3. Why do TV motorsports directors think really awful Thrash Metal makes a good musical soundtrack for roadracing and motocross?

4. Why does a 400cc dirtbike with a 37-inch seat height and DOT knobbies go so much faster down a tight, winding road than a low, sleek 147-bhp sportbike with fat, sticky race tires?

5. How come there are so few Hell's Angels named Jeff or Timmy?

6. Why are two-strokes so often de scribed as sounding "cheap" or "tinny" to the human ear when, in many applica tions, they are clearly superior?

7. Why is tin so cheap, anyway?

8. Why were the fatal mechanical flaws in old British bikes so quickly evident to their owners, but not to the factory engi neers and test riders?

9. Why does the feet-forward cruiser riding position feel so bad when you ride fast? Why does it feel safer to lead with your head?

10. How can Nicky Hayden high-side and tumble without apparent injury, while I throw my back out raking leaves?

11. Why do squared-off and triangular mufflers always remind one of Buck Rogers and cheap plastic ray guns?

12. Why are Montesa T-shirts still cool after all these years?

13. Why can't Kenny Roberts, Jr., grin once in a while, like Dave Aldana did? And still does.

14. Why do Italians style both the world's most beautiful bikes and the most comically awful?

15. As a motorcycle traditionalist, why do I not miss adjusting ignition points? At all. Ever. 16. Why do polyester dirtbike jerseys

that are made to "wick away moisture" always smell so much worse than cotton jerseys? Why can't they wick away stink?

17. Why was Kevin Cameron born with so many more brain cells than I was?

18. How did I survive on the OEM streetbike tires of the Sixties? Am I charmed, or are there really guardian an gels? Is this Heaven?

19. Why are so few motocross champi ons involved in acts of terrorism?

20. Why would anyone, including me, want to assume a roadracing riding posi tion, so effective at 180 mph on the straights of Road America, on a trip to the bookstore?

21. Why doesn't somebody make a qui et helmet so I can ride my R100RS with out going deaf or wearing earplugs that get stuck in my ears outside the restau rant window?

22. How did the re-born Triumph company get all its traditional names turned around, so a Tiger is now an off-roader and a Trophy is a big heavy touring bike?

23. Why does the Richard Thomp son song "1952 Vincent Black Lightfling" always fill a person with a wistful and expensive sense of longing, especial ly when he's drinking Guinness in his workshop late at night?

24. Why was Mike Hailwood the last Isle of Man TT winner whose English I could decipher?

25. Why would anyone try to sell a used 1998 Harley for $2000 more than a readily available new one?

26. Why do so many motorcyclists play guitar, and vice versa?

27. Why don't the French make more motorcycles, when they are surrounded by the bike-mad Germans, Spanish, Ital ians and Brits?

28. Why do so few of our dinner guests want to watch On Any Sunday or V-Four Victory as often as I do?

29. If loud pipes save lives, how come so many people who have them crash?

30. Why do rainproof plastic over-mitts make you feel like a Doberman trying to open a wall safe?

31. Why doesn't that stinky guy in the BMW ads take a shower?

32. If Kenny Roberts Sr. won his many championships, as he admits, on a diet of cheeseburgers, why does he train young racers on health food? Scientifically speaking, shouldn't he order more cheeseburgers?

33. Why can we never have a President who rides? Are BS and motorcycling mutually exclusive?

These and many other matters remain mysteries that may never be solved.

Peter Egan